Living and working in Cambodia is an adventure! Everyday there is something to learn. The experiences written here reflect life through the lens on NGO worker in the Development sector
Grant ans kit did interviews within minutes of arriving from the airport so they hit the ground running. We then took the team to Toul Sleng torture prison for an introduction to the context of this country. Beth went off to get water with Brian Harper and arrived back in tuk tuk with enough water for max two days- yes that will last only two days if we are lucky! First team briefing in an hour. Pray for them, The work will be hard and hot. Pray for the health of the team. Culture shock will be an issue. Spiritual culture shock will likely be a bigger issue as they start work in a very dark place. Blessings B. (Will try to add the photos as the internet allows!)
Grant ans kit did interviews within minutes of arriving from the airport so they hit the ground running. We then took the team to Toul Sleng torture prison for an introduction to the context of this country. Beth went off to get water with Brian Harper and arrived back in tuk tuk with enough water for max two days- yes that will last only two days if we are lucky! First team briefing in an hour. Pray for them, The work will be hard and hot. Pray for the health of the team. Culture shock will be an issue. Spiritual culture shock will likely be a bigger issue as they start work in a very dark place. Blessings B. (Will try to add the photos as the internet allows!)
Ok so I haven’t written for a few days. There has just been so much to do. We filmed extensively at NewSong center yesterday. What a joy to sit around with the girls and interact with them while the film crew did their taping. The girls were fascinated by the fact that my sons are Khmer and felt that they needed sisters – them! We had wonderful times chatting about snow, mountains, school and how hot I looked. I would mutilate the Khmer language to their amusement and they would work on their basic English it was such fun. When they wanted to joke at my expense without me understanding they would switch to Vietnamese. I was happy to feel vulnerable and have them be in the position of strength – they have known too much of the opposite. I also had a longer discussion with a wonderful young girl who had fairly good English. The topic… “Suffering and how God makes good come out of evil”. Let me tell you, it is quite something to have such a discussion with a girl who has been assaulted numerous times and tortured (literally). She knows suffering and will likely be recovering for the rest of her life from her trauma. Fortunately God gave me the words to speak to her and it ended up being a wonderful time of blessings. Despite her experiences she knows her Lord and trusts he will work good in her life. (Lots of us aren’t as mature as this little one - I find myself shamed by my lack of faith – again!)
Today we set off early to a soccer tournament in which our foster care program had a team playing. It was so wonderful to once again see the girls for whom I have prayed for years and to see them having fun. They take succor very seriously. We sat up in the stands cheering for our team along with the other screaming girls from foster care. It was rich indeed. Once again I marveled at the privilege of knowing these kids and the joy of spending time with them. They played three games. The first two games were well matched both with a score of 0-0. But the third game they got hammered 4-1 by the champion team from last year. But they were just thrilled to see us and were quite proud that “Canadian TV” had come to film them.
This was followed by a few admin meetings for me followed by my body getting rid of some food, that I would have been better off not eating, followed by a few hours recuperation time and then into my interview with the film crew. This went well except for getting kicked out of a park by police for filming without a permit. (Code for - give us money and we will go away!) Where were my General friends when I needed them?
This evening we had wonderful supper at Sotheary’s house (Ratanak project manager) followed by another casual meeting with the Australian component of Team 1 which had just flown in.
As I write the majority of Team 1 from Canada are in the air and are due to arrive tomorrow at noon. With that I better go to bed, as tomorrow is an early start. Thanks for all your prayers. Brian.
definition:the act of excusing a fault or an offense; pardon; renouncing anger or resentment against.
I am finding it very hard to blog/journal every day. The days start early and end late. It is the hottest place I have ever been, so by the end of day, energy is at a premium.
We spent the weekend at Siem Reap, where we visited Angkhor Thom & Angkhor Wat, the ruins of the 11th century Khmer kingdom that Cambodia is famous for. This Wonder of the World is an incredible site to behold! Another wonder that we saw was the Floating Village, a community of fishermen who literally live on the water of Tonle Sap. I have several thoughts around these things, but more later.
As I had mentioned before, there is no one here who is unaffected by the Khmer Rouge genocide. Everyone lost family; some are the only survivors in their families. The national psyche carries deep wounds, often unexpressed. Today, Bonny & I visited Tuol Sleng, the high-school-turned-prison where over 20,000 people were tortured and then transported to the killing fields for certain death; only 7 people survived Tuol Sleng and they escaped, not from the prision but from the killing fields. The Killing Fields were emotionally soft compared to the graphic presentation of Tuol Sleng.
No one was safe during the Khmer Rouge's reign of decimation. Meticulous in their documentation, they revealed that they trusted no one, not even their own. In the gallery of victims, there are hundreds of pictures of youthful faces, all wearing a cap, indicating that they were "combatants", or Khmer soldiers. One picture depicts the wife of a high ranking officer, holding their baby. She & her child were tortured and murdered because he was no longer trusted. They didn't target individuals; they targetted entire families. To paraphrase a Khmer Rouge saying, you couldn't just cut the grass, you had to dig out the roots.
The hardest thing was not knowing who the enemy was. It could be your neighbour; it could be your brother. And today, they must live side-by-side, not knowing. Think of the implications this has on rebuilding this nation. One of the exhibits are the statements of those who served in the Khmer Rouge. For many their motivation in joining was to be one what they thought would be the winning side. Others were very young and were removed from family & "reeducated". Some are remorseful; others are unrepentant. Still more declare their innocence, in that they didn't kill anyone or participate in any torture.
On our first day, our cab driver told us he was one of three brothers. He lost only one brother. The rest of his family survived but they experienced hard labour and starvation. Our cab driver in Siem Reap, Samreath, said very little, but he was missing three fingers on his right hand.
This lady was our tour guide at Tuol Sleng. She was eight years old in 1975 when Phnom Penh was evacuated. Her family consisted of her parents, two brothers and a sister. They were sent to a work camp near the Vietnamese border, where her father and brothers were killed. She escaped to Viet Nam in 1978 with her mother & sister by walking at night through the jungle. They returned in 1979 when the Vietnamese army invaded and overthrew Pol Pot. She has been coming to Tuol Sleng since it opened and yet it is a highly charged experience for her, even today, to be part of the commemoration of the genocide. Her mother cannot come because it brings back too much. I asked why she gives these tours and her comment was "it is time to forgive"; I asked how she felt about Duch, the former commandant of this prison who has accepted responsibility for the crimes he directly perpetrated (the torture & execution of over 12,000 people) and is currently awaiting the verdict of the war crimes court. At this, she was visibly agitated, saying he was only saying what the court wanted to hear in an effort to not be punished for his crimes. Interestingly, of the four leaders on trial, Duch is the only one who has "stepped up" and this is because he has become a Christian. In a country where forgiveness is not the norm, it has sparked debate about what forgiveness means to Christians. This woman moved me deeply. Her pain is still so real, in spite of the acknowledgement of the need for forgiveness. Before I left, I gave her a hug. I couldn't think of what else to do.
This is Reaksa Himm and his sister. They are the sole survivors of a family of thirteen from the Siem Reap area. When Reaksa was thirteen, he was hit in the back of the head with a hoe and left for dead in a mass grave under the bodies of his mother & several of his siblings. His entire story can be read in "Tears of My Soul", which I recommend. Eventually, Reaksa came to Canada where he became a Christian and obtained a PhD in psychology. He never intended to return to Cambodia but eventually did. He tracked down those he knew who had been directly involved in the murder of his family and forgave them. He has now established himself in the village where he lived as a child (his father's house is in the background of this picture). He has a desire for the Khmer people to come to the Lord and has established several churches; he is also in the process of building a community centre, which I had the opportunity to visit. He is a Ratanak partner, and with the assistance of Brian McConaghy, has received tentative permission to spend extensive time with Duch, the man mentioned in the previous paragraph. The plan is for a book to be written contrasting their experiences under Pol Pot, and then bringing it together as brothers in Christ. This is something so difficult to comprehend but it smacks not of the talk of forgiveness, but the actuality of a forgiveness that can only be divine.
So, what is all of this talk of forgiveness? Each day that I have been here, I have prayed that the Lord would open my eyes, this morning included. I didn't expect it to come in the form it came in, nor that it would be directed at my own heart. I was confronted with the fact that there is much I need to forgive before I can be effectively used. And this was before I went to Tuol Sleng. I have been walking around on the verge of tears all day. I think I have not been honest with myself about a few things that I "thought" I had let go of. But when I am honest, it would be fair to say that I am guilty of the same offences that I have been hanging on to. In light of the experiences here, most of my hurt is rooted in pettiness and unrealistic expectations. I am not trying to inflate my pain, because it has been real. But now, I need to step out and let go of the thing that weighs me down.
Ultimately, I need to do some of my own forgiving.
Today was one of those truly amazing days… Today was the start of our filming of the kids in post trafficking rehabilitation. This was and is very sensitive stuff. This had been preceded by long and detailed discussions and consultations with aftercare staff over several months. The kids remain very vulnerable and yet their story is one of hope and recovery. We hopped that the telling of their story would, if done correctly, be a blessing to them. Permissions were granted, the girls consulted and all were in agreement as to how we were to proceed. But today started with miscommunication, timetabling problems, frustrations, distractions and irritants. As a clear pattern of negatives grew I actually became excited! (OK so I’m weird, I’m Irish!) It was so clear to me that Satan did not want today to happen. I said to Cheryl “This is Good, This is going to be a good day. We are going to be just fine”. And so we proceeded. We arrived at the center before the girls came back from school. When they arrived they gathered around for greetings and introductions. I explained that many Christians had been praying for them for years. I also explained that this TV show would help people know them a bit better. I then asked them if they understood that it is easier to pray for a friend they know rather than a stranger – they got that totally. I then told them that this TV show would help many people who pray for them already to know them a bit more. That would really help them with their prayers. That too was understood. They had agreed to participate in advance but once again I asked them if they were OK with filming and if they were OK with being interviewed. To my surprise all seven hands went up – they were keen to do this! We started with the fun stuff. “B – roll” they call it in the business. We had them riding their bikes up and down the street… Take One… Take Two… Take Three. They thought we were crazy and laughed at us and had fun “acting”. We then moved into the interviews. The first girl (I will call her Lynn) who is clearly the leader in terms of confidence and poise came up to a balcony. She had been interviewed before – it showed. They got her wired up with a mic and she sat down ready for the questions. Cheryl is a master of this stuff and put her right at ease and let Lynn set the limits of what she was willing to talk about - so right from the start she was in control. The interview was amazing. What a privilege to witness Lynn entrusting her heart to us as she laughed, cried and attached herself to our hearts. (They would all do that through the course of the day) The interview went on and on – she had lots to say. We had worried that the girls when faced with a camera would become intimidated and clam up. Not so with Lynn. While all this is going on the other girls were sitting down stairs waiting. None of them had ever been interviewed before so we expected their interviews to be much shorter. None had ever told their stories to anyone other than the councilors who they know, love and trust. This was a HUGE step for them. Protective staff hovered about nervously – half wanting to encourage the girls to “go for it” and half wanting to protect them from such an intrusion. Waiting their turn was about as much fun as waiting in a dentist s office. I expected some of them to get cold feet and back out. We were ready for that and would encourage them no mater want they did. We were amazed when they all, in turn, went up for their interviews and bowled us over with their strength, dignity and poise. We were stunned – the staff were stunned and minutes turned to hours. Conversations meandered through laughter and tears as precious hearts were opened to us. After each interview there was a smile of victory, another hurdle jumped, another step towards freedom. It quickly became apparent to all of us that, irrespective of what we got on tape this was a process of empowerment for them, a chance to confront fears and master their anxiety. Our prayers were being answered before our eyes this was not a day of traumatic memories and misery. No, this was a day of victory and for banishing old fears. And what a day it was. Kids who, a short time ago, would run at the sight of a camera now calmly waited hours to slay another one of their giants. My admiration for them grew as the minutes passed. And when interview time came, I melted and gulped held my breath as I watched the faces of little ones I had learned to love years ago, step up to the plate. I watched them confront their fears and concour them. I watch them clime the podium of self esteem and claim victory. This, for me, was ‘the’ Olympic event. Years of work culminating in a huge grin, a thumbs up and a victory won. They always have been my heroes. They know that. I have told them that but today… today was a calibration of them and their bravery and their new lives. When we finally finished the interviews the day was almost spent and we went to their home where we were treated to a wonderful supper together. We laughed, chatted, we felt comfortable and we prayed – there are no words for me to describe this. Once again heaven seemed to leech in through the window and door cracks. I am privileged indeed to, once again, witness God at work restoring the “unrestorable”. Thanks for your prayers today – they were answered… in full!
I had the chance to visit the new building today. I wandered around like an idiot with a grin from ear to ear. I'm too tired to comment much more than that but figured a few photos would fill the void. Blessings.
OK so I have been trying to upload a video for ages on Facebook so as to avoid having to write a blog! I’m tired and the prospect of a blog is not so appealing. Anyway I have given up on the video so here is a short text version of yesterday. (Today was just meetings so I wont bore you with the details) As you know there were many challenges the first couple of days of this trip. The spiritual issues were huge and we all felt we were experiencing hostility at every turn. It became very clear from many of your emails that you were observing a spirit of fear developing in me. I was not backing down but I had become worried about where the next attack would come from. I was certainly not proceeding with joy and confidence despite the circumstances. So yesterday I took the morning off and just stayed in my room and prayed through the issues. That was a wonderful time of experiencing the God who runs Ratanak. Putting four hours aside for this is not easy for me. I am a “just do it” kind of guy and being silent and waiting on the Lord when I have a thousand things that need to be done right now is like pulling teeth for me. But I did it and it was the recalibration I so desperately needed. Since then things have been much better – thanks for all your prayers. At 1:30pm I went for training with an NGO based out of Bangkok. They work with sex tourists. (Not pedophiles who are a much more complex problem but rather the “normal” sex tourists who hunt for older girls and young women) This was a very challenging afternoon. While I know everyone deserves grace in theory, lets face it; these guys are not top of my list. They are, for me, the enemy. How strange it was to sit being taught to love these guys. The position of our trainer is that we need to love them for they are victims. What he does is do retroactive aftercare – about 30 years late! Let me explain. He views sex tourists the same way I view the little abused boys in our boys foster care program. I have no trouble loving them that are just so ‘the victim’. But these damaged little boys if not treated counseled, loved and blessed in a good aftercare project will turn into, you guessed it, the sort of men who will go on to abuse others and assault potentially hundreds of girls and women. Thus we need to provide “aftercare” a long time after they themselves were broken by something in their lives. I get this but still did really not believe how approaching such guys in love would change them. They taught us that on many occasions these guys will respond by telling you all about their brokenness if they are approached in a way they would NEVER expect – with compassion and love. Ok so I listen to all this wonderful theory but have trouble bridging the gap to the reality of those men walking into the brothels of Phnom Penh right now. I figured approaching them even with care and compassion would generate only insults and abuse. So after many hours of training and preparation the newly trained teams hit the streets of the Phnom Penh brothel districts at about 11:PM. I really wanted to go out with them but decided to stay with the prayer support team. It was not that I was unwilling to express grace to these guys nor was it that I feared being insulted and/or ridiculed but rather I was concerned about my role as a Christian witness to such men while still being involved in investigations. It seemed to be a bit of a conflict of interest for me. So I stayed back with the prayer team as the text messages came in telling us what was going on. Short texts like “talking with a Korean – he has given us one minute”, “Three guys walked by” would launch us into prayer for these men. That the Korean would give them more than a minute that the guys that walked by would return. This was followed 20 minutes later by… “Still talking to Korean!” “one of the guys came back” etc etc. it was very exciting to see our prayers answered over and over and over again. At about 2:30AM we all gathered for a debriefing. As the training had indicated these guys would be polite and engaging if treated like normal human beings. Not all, but some, would be very open about their brokenness and why they felt the need to buy sex from poor Cambodian girls. I was stunned by the degree of success and by the excitement of the teams both male and female who had directly engaged with the sex tourists. They had done the unthinkable, been respectful and caring towards such men, and left greatly encouraged by the process. There were no dramatic conversions, no visions were seen and no men were found weeping in the streets but there was clear and meaningful dialog and those rarest of all commodities in the male world– honesty and vulnerability. It became blatantly clear that there is a desperate need for such a ministry in this country and that it could change lives. Quite clearly we had accomplished in only a few hours way more, for both victims and perpetrators, with love and respect, than others could have achieved by days of waving placards, hurling insults or, as I preferred to think before, the judicial use of a baseball bat! It should not be a surprise to me that God’s way is not my way. And so, once again, I find I must learn the lesson of forgiveness and conform my will to that of the God of grace. I don’t feel this is to be a particular ministry for Ratanak – we are too committed to the victims to work effectively on both sides of that fence. But I am thrilled others are called to this work. I finally got home to the hotel after 3AM exhausted but greatly encouraged that there was hope in an area where I had previously seen none.
