A New Home

This morning I went with Melissa (one of my Ratanak colleagues from Canada) to the brothel district. After the church service we went to visit the home of some new church members. Some of pastor Chantha's disciples have been helping to rebuild homes that have been severely damaged because of the recent flooding along the Tonle Sap river. Of course the word 'home' here connotes a different meaning for in the area that we went to, we in the West would probably describe this as a 'slum.' So off we went along some narrow wooden planks that meandered through the walk way with many houses built on wooden stilts on the river.

Youth Pastor Ratanak pointed out several little shacks that were destroyed by a rain storm that we had over night. He was taking us to visit one family who the church has started to help.

Enroute we saw this 'shack' above which had no roof. But it didn't seem to bother the resident who was having a nap in the morning. Many of these homes have been made with bamboo or crude pieces of wood that have been nailed together.

We finally arrived at our destination--- a little shack at the end of a row of several 'homes'. This was a family of nine with one person who was the sole breadwinner who worked at a factory. The grandparents were not well and were too old to work so they looked after the kids. The father of the kids unfortunately had died years ago, drowning in the Tonle Sap river. The church had given the owners a blue tarp to act as a wall since all of that was destroyed. They also provided a blanket and the disciples hope to replace the zinc roof which has several holes in it. Can you imagine sleeping with such a roof above you in the rainy season. Unfortunately with the recent floods, part of the home was destroyed and lies partially submerged in the muddy water next to the current 'home'. The wooden planks that represent the 'floor' of the home are all uneven and provide natural ventilation to the water below. It is incredible that kind of environment and conditions that people have to live in.

As we talking with the family, I am once again amazed at how gracious Cambodians are and how the poor in general are so thoughtful with what little they have. As we were about to sit on the wooden planks, the grandmother brought out their one and only mat so that we could sit on it. This may not seem like a big deal to us but for a family like this who literally has nothing, they offer what little they have in order to be hospitable to us. It is through the poor, I once again learn about generosity, it is through the poor, that I discover a new level of giving and it is through the poor, that I see the heart of God.

The Other Gender

So often in our discussions we talk about girls that have been sexually abused. Today at the Chab Dai Coalition member meetings, I had the opportunity to sit in on a session for sexually abused boys. We at Ratanak have had the privilege of partnering with Hagar to set up one of the first foster care homes for boys in Cambodia so for me, today's session provided some more insights into ministering to boys who have been sexually abused. There were 4 NGOs who are involved in different aspects of this ministry---one targeting boys in massage parlors, another organization focusing on boys on the street who are at risk or have been sexually abused, then their was a presenter who was speaking about lady boys and finally another organization that is focused on providing a variety off social services to help male survivors of sexual abuse.

There are several myths over here regarding sexual abuse of boys. One of them is that it actually doesn't happen that much here. According to one of the organizations that was presenting today, research in Cambodia and other places in the world suggest that at least one in six boys and men will have experienced some form of sexual abuse in their lives (16.5%). It may even be higher. In Cambodia, it is believed that most of the abuse is done by foreigners. This is false. While there are some foreigners who abuse boys and travel here with that intention, the reality is that the abuser can be anyone ---including parents, family members, friends, neighbors and other people known to the boy and in positions of trust. This includes women and other young people. The research appears to indicate that Cambodians are responsible for most abuse of the children in this country and not the foreigners. Granted that the cases involving foreigners tend to be more visible as they are highlighted in the newspapers so it is easy to understand why people would conclude that foreigners are the main culprits.


Another myth over here is that it is not serious when a boy is abused, because he can recover quickly. Again the research indicates that Cambodian culture and social views that boys are strong, tough and not having  virginity and a reputation to lose, leads many to believe that the the boy can recover fast. But this too is false. The Cambodian proverb that boys are 'pure gold' and do not lose value if they have sex or are abused perpetuates this false thinking because the reality is that boys are also human beings and can be physically and emotionally hurt just like anyone else. One of the common practices here is that the genitals of young boys, teenagers and even adult men  are often touched and played with by their relatives. I asked one of the staff of our partner organizations why this is such an acceptable practice since it certainly is not done to girls. She said its simply a way of playing and having fun with the boys and is viewed as harmless. What I was surprised to learn is that this practice can happen between grown teenage boys and even uncles and their nephews. So you can only imagine the cultural challenges that NGOs face as they share in rural villages about inappropriate touching of boys as it pertains to sexual abuse. One Khmer participant who educates communities about this issue reported that he experienced animosity from the boys parents after this presentation was done in a village because the families do not see anything wrong with such behavior. It was after all part of their cultural practice. So it is quite an uphill battle for organizations who are seeking to educate communities on sexual abuse of boys for they have to navigate cultural values that seem contrary to what they are trying to promote.

Another myth is that it is easier for boys to talk about their sexual abuse because they are not shy like the girls. Again the research shows that most boys experience great shame and try and hide what happened to them. Most never talk about it because they know that they will not be believed but rather, they will be mocked and laughed at. In fact, we heard of a situation where a judge commented to a young boy that boys can't be raped. This kind of thinking unfortunately re-victimizes the boys and as a result, some times boys may joke about the abuse and act as if they don't care about it. Acting like this is a common way for a boy or man to cover up their true feelings. What the presenter noted was that many boys and young men often feel that they have to act tough or deny the seriousness of abuse as a way of coping with their stress.

As for the staff, many of them feel totally inadequate in helping the boys due to a lack of training and insufficient support services. As such, the staff often can feel isolated since they don't really know what to do. It is no wonder, that those who serve in this ministry can become so easily weighed down by these burdens. Someone said today that ''seeking justice and doing justice is a 24 hour job''----there is so much truth to that statement.

Despite all these challenges, it is encouraging to see that the Lord has raised up a few organizations here who are focusing more on helping the boys and providing the necessary care and support they need. Like many of the projects here, we are all learning as we go along. It is not easy trying to sort through cultural complexities, but despite all the obstacles, we take heart in knowing that He has not forgotten this often hidden and marginalized group and surely He will find a way to bring deep and lasting healing in the lives of these young boys so that they can discover their true value in Him. As I think of those who are ministering to the young boys it is Hebrews 6:10-12 that comes to mind: God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Indeed may they stay the course with committed faith despite the visible reality knowing that it is God who will equip them and give them all they need to fulfill His purposes in the lives of the boys.

Inspired

Today was a very long and tiring day but yet a day in which I had the privilege of attending the first of a two day meeting that is organized by one of our partners Chab Dai. The Chab Dai Coalition Member meetings are held twice a year, once in May and the second time in November. It is an opportunity for the staff and volunteers from all 52 Christian NGOs who are part of the coalition that work in Cambodia to gather together. This is my first time attending and I came away inspired at the army that God is building here of both foreign workers and local Cambodians who are passionate in seeking justice for victims of trafficking. 

Helen Sworn with her staff person Rithy

Much of the hard work in pulling together this coalition was the brainchild of Helen Sworn, Chab Dai's International director and founder who has lived with her family in Cambodia for over 12 years. God gave her a vision 6 yrs ago to develop an umbrella organization that aims to bring an end to trafficking and sexual exploitation through coalition building, community prevention, advocacy and research. I felt like I was attending a mini version of the UN with many different expats intertwined with Cambodian believers who are passionate in being a voice for the voiceless. We all had headsets which we used depending on whether the presenter was Khmer speaking or English speaking. 

Chab Dai Coalition Member meeting

The day started off with an encouraging devotional  from Sue Hanna who is also one of our partners from Hagar. She shared from Psalm 40:2-3 which says: ² He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. ³ He put a new song in my mouth,a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him. Sue noted that when Jesus came to save us, He came to lift us out of the 'mud' and to set our feet on a Rock. So too, our role as we minister to those who are coming out of sex trafficking is to to take them from the mud to the mountain. She used the analogy of a scale of minus ten, zero and ten and pointed out that the victims are at minus ten. Survivors are at zero and Advocates are at plus 10. She reminded us that it is not enough to take a victim to the survivor stage,  but our care must enable these young women to become resilient so that they are able to to stand on firm footing as God puts a new song in their heart such that they can become all He intended them to be so that they move to a plus 10.


One of the many blessings of today was the opportunity to to hear presentations from different organizations who are involved in different aspects of the ministry here. One in particular was from a Khmer lady named Solida who recently started her own organization called Precious Women just over a year ago. She used to work at Chab Dai and is only 25 years old, yet 5 years ago the Lord laid on her heart a vision to help women who work in the beer gardens, karoke bars and brothels. God has made that vision become a reality and part of Solida's vision is to to empower local churches in Phnom Penh to be involved in this ministry. Each week outreach teams visit local bars where the women work in order to share the love of God, to build relationships with the women and to offer the women an alternative source of income through vocational training and dignifying job opportunities. I am inspired by this young Khmer woman who communicates with much passion and energy and who challenged us all to be united in our efforts. I first heard of her through one of my other missionary friends who is her mentor, and then met her recently at the Khmer church I have been attending. In a couple weeks, some of my friends and I are hoping to join her in one of her Friday night outreaches. But what encourages me most, is seeing and meeting many Cambodians like Solida today, who God is using to be His repairers and restorers of the broken gates and walls in the lives of the communities in Cambodia. 

For me as a first time attendee, it was refreshing to network with old and new friends, both Khmer and expat NGO workers.It was encouraging to see joint partnership and input from Khmer brothers and sisters sharing their hearts along side Westerners. It brought back to my mind the verses from John 17:20-23, I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. It was a joy to experience such a oneness of heart and such a spirit of unity as we share a common goal and desire to end sex trafficking in Cambodia!


Tomorrow we meet again and I will once again be able to participate in a variety of workshops that are being done by other members of the coalition. Truly, the timing of these meetings and workshops are a blessing on so many levels. I feel like I am getting a crash course on all the different aspects of the ministry on this end from prevention, to intervention,  to child protection, to family issues, to aftercare, to alternative care, rehabilitation and reintegration---I am learning a whole new language and all in two days! 


One more thing, in the next two weeks, we will have Ratanak volunteers from Canada, UK and Australia visiting Cambodia. So don't be surprised if you see some new bloggers on this Ratanak Mission Blog!

Thinking Like An Asian - well sometimes!

After a few busy days of meetings, I wanted to share some of the lighter observations as I live here. Its seems strange that I would title today's blog 'Thinking Like An Asian'....what does that really mean anyway. For those who know of my background, I am 6th generation South American Chinese which means I ONLY speak English (or least I claim that as my official language). I do not speak any Chinese languages although I did attempt to learn Mandarin---"attempt" being the operative word many years ago when I lived in Singapore but I had problems with the 2nd and 4th tones---I guess one could say I am tone deaf! I  learned to count in Cantonese many years ago for strategic reasons. If you have ever been to Dim Sum in Toronto, most of the waiters and waitresses only speak Cantonese and when you are waiting to sit at your table, the hostess calls out the table numbers in Cantonese. My theory was that if I learned to count in Chinese, I would hear my table number and not be overlooked because I wanted to make sure that I got served my food. So the real reason for learning numbers in Cantonese was to eat at a Dim Sum Restaurant. Now you are all reading this and wondering what does this have to do with Cambodia? Probably nothing other than the fact that while I look Asian, I'm not really that Asian in my thinking or at least that's what I thought!

We 'westerners' like our space, we like our independence, we are more concerned about individual rights while here in the East, space is not something that really is in the Cambodian psyche. After all, many families live in small shacks in the poor community all together in one room. For those who are a bit better off, both the immediate and extended family tend to still all live together in a typical family Khmer home called a 'P'thay Lahvang' and if you have been following our blog, you would have read about pressures and the deep sense of obligations that girls feel to provide for their family needs which often leads to them selling themselves. So individual rights and independent thinking is not a cultural norm here.

But as I am now into my third month of living here, I'm starting to act and perhaps think a bit more Asian at least in one dimension. My fair complexion is starting to get a bit darker with all the walking I am doing and despite laddering myself with a high level of sun screen UV protection, I'm still getting a bit more tanned. So I am starting to avoid walking in the sun and now try to walk in the shaded areas (which are few and far between) because I don't want to get darker! :-). This is exactly what the Khmer do. But its not easy to avoid the sun here, its sunny all the time and it seems the rainy season has ended which is a bit of a shame as it was much cooler and overcast so one did not have to worry about getting dark! Some times when I go out in the middle of the afternoon, I will pray and ask the Lord to bring some clouds in the sky. After all, He did promise to be a pillar of cloud by day ---so I figured I would ask!

Often you will see many Khmer girls wearing long sleeve shirts, hoodies and even turtle necks, socks and gloves when they are on their motorcycles during the day. All of this is to keep themselves from getting darker because being fair in this environment is considered beautiful. Well, not to worry, vanity has not consumed me to such a level that I have resorted to being fully clothed in a turtle neck in 90+ temperatures. The thought of that makes me hot!

However, Khmer women are quite serious about cultivating a 'white complexion.' The other day when I was in a store I was curious to see the prices of cosmetics. Prices here are quite exorbitant for the same products we would buy in Canada. Everything here is 3 or 4 times more expensive and the selection is very limited. One common theme as I walked down the makeup aisle is how many 'whitening'products they have, all promising a much fairer complexion. It is quite a big business here. Sadly, one can often notice the whitening makeup on girls who are sitting outside beer gardens or brothels. It is also one of the reasons why Vietnamese girls are often the preferred choice at least among Asian sex tourists, because they tend to be of a much fairer complexion than Khmer girls.

Nonetheless, one of the positives of getting a bit tanned is that I am starting to blend in as I have been asked recently if I was Khmer Chinese. Last week, I even got stopped by a cyclo driver asking me in Khmer if I could help as he had an Australian tourist trying to explain to him where he wanted him to go. So there I was acting as a translator between the Aussie and the cyclo driver. It was actually a bit fun and let's hope that can also translate into cheaper prices when I go bargaining in the markets. 

All this to say, some aspects of the culture are starting to rub off on me ---no pun intended. As I think of all of these issues of beauty and image, it was my mentor a while back that reminded me that the Lord had made me an Asian and encouraged me to appreciate the 'Asianness' in me for to deny that or to be disparaging of that was to be critical of the Creator who made me that way. And so as I think of the Khmer people and especially the young women who are so longing to have that fairer complexion, it is my prayer that they too would come to discover, accept and appreciate that their brown and/or beige skin complexion is to be valued; that it is a gift from God who has created them uniquely to reflect a dimension of His beauty that cannot be found in any other culture or people group.

Building a Network

Today one of our corporate donors from Canada was in town for a 1 day visit with her husband and so we did a world wind tour visiting the Newsong centre, Bloom Training Cafe, Daughters Cambodia shop and Svay Pak. Initially the plan was to give them the 'Cambodian experience' of using a tuk tuk to transport us all over the place but given the location of where each of these places were it would have been a bit more difficult to do such a one day whirl wind tour given the distance, the traffic and the heat, so we opted to rent a van. I am often amazed at the timing of how God provides for our needs on this end. For it was only 3 weeks ago, I happen to be in Svay Pak when I was talking to a young Khmer man who was visiting Svay Pak with a team from the U.S. He told me that he worked for a Christian company that rents vans for people who visit Cambodia.

Over here, networking is the key so whenever I meet people, I'm always interested in getting their contact info especially when they provide services that we most likely will need. Its all part of 'building' our resource base as we connect with organizations that can help support our ministries here. So last night, I called my rental van friend to make the arrangements and this morning his driver arrived to pick me up at home before we headed off to a hotel in another part of the city to pick up our guests. The van rental staff are all Christian who speak English and this particular driver is actually a young man training to be a pastor. He is working to save money as he will be going to study at a seminary in the Philippines for 2 years. He was such a blessing as he knew all the places we were visiting. It was like having our own personal 'Ratanak' driver as I did not have to worry about telling him the directions to get to the different places. When you find drivers that are knowledgeable,  it is one less thing to think about because you don't get lost, you save time and you can then focus on hosting your guests without being distracted. I will definitely be using this van rental service again especially since we do not have our own vehicles.

One of the challenges here is that not everyone knows all the places we go and in the case of tuk tuk drivers, over the past few months I have been collecting a list of tuk tuk drivers and trying them out. Some are Christian and others non-Christian. I now have a team of '6' tuk tuk drivers some speak various levels of English and others only Khmer. Why do I have so many? Well, they are not always available when I need them and so I go down the list. But it also is a way of testing out who is reliable and how well they know the city. In essence, one has to go through a few 'training session' with each tuk tuk driver. This can be time consuming in and of itself as you have to expect that they may get lost or in other situations, some of them have a habit of keeping you waiting after you have finished your meetings so I'm always looking out for time conscious tuk tuk drivers. Thankfully God continues to provide more than we often expect as my Christian tuk tuk drivers who are students, also happen to attend the Khmer church that I have been visiting recently.

All this to say, this is all part of the adjustment to a new culture and new modes of transportation when you do not have your own wheels. In many ways, it is a loss of independence as you have to rely on others to help you. But more than that, it is ultimately trusting the Lord and leaning on Him and this in and of itself is a good thing!

Looking for a Community

For the past few weeks I have been visiting a Khmer church about 15 minutes from my home. Our desire is to connect the girls in our ministry with a community that can come along side them and nurture them on a variety of levels. For young women who have experienced betrayal by their own family members, one of the dimensions of their restoration is to find a community where they can experience a sense of belonging and where they can feel part of a family. A community who will welcome them and not judge their past but love them and nurture their spiritual journey. A community who has young people their age who they can relate to and who they can have meaningful fellowship with.

This church I have been visiting has been recommended by many. It is one of the largest Khmer churches in Cambodia that was established by American missionaries many years ago.  It is a place I visited in 2006 and so it has been neat to attend again and see so many young Cambodians who lead the worship service and prayer time. It is always so encouraging to see how the Lord is raising up many in the next generation in this land not only to be followers of Him but take on leadership roles. They sing all the popular Hillsong music in Khmer but there is English subtitles for those who are foreigners. They also provide simultaneous translation of the sermon for those of us who have limited or no Khmer. It is definitely a place where the Spirit of God is flowing freely. It is a place where emotions are expressed openly, some thing that Marie Ens noted was so needed given the fact that Cambodians are so used to suppressing their emotions due to the Khmer Rouge era. It is a place where one can encounter passionate prayers being lifted up to the Lord on behalf of those in the congregation who openly express a need for prayer.  But it is also a place where young and old are welcomed to come to the altar to receive prayer ministry at the end of the service.

As you think of us, pray for the Lord to direct our paths to work along side a church community who will be a spiritual umbrella for the young lives that God is entrusting into our care. We long to see them be grounded in the word of God, to know the One in whose image that have been made, the One who is not only the healer of their hearts, but the One who loves them with an everlasting love and who wants to given them an abundant life in Him!

Cultural Complexities

One of the common stories that we reading and hearing about is the increasing level of rapes in Cambodia. Some of these occur because young men are watching pornographic videos and want to act out what they see. In other instances, we are hearing about difficult rape cases, where young girls are being raped by their fathers or relatives or people who live near their village communes.

One of the most difficult situations a young teenage girl has to deal with beyond the repeated rapes by her father is the fact that she is pregnant with a child from the rape. This has got to be one of the most difficult situations to comprehend and reconcile in one's mind. What are the thoughts that are flowing through this teenager's mind as she carries this baby to full term? How does she deal with the daily reminder that this pregnancy was borne not out of love but borne out of a violation against her soul? How does she deal with the shame, the guilt and the embarrassment? In this kind of environment, the girl is given the option of either giving up the baby for adoption or keeping it. The question that again came to my mind is how do you identify such a child who in effect has a half sister and mother in the same person-----I don't really understand how or what to call this baby. It is very confusing! But this is what evil does. This is what the darkness seeks to do---create confusion of God ordained family structures by totally messing them up. As the bible says, Satan seeks to kill, steal and destroy and in the visible reality it certainly seems that he is winning, but as always, he does not have the last word in these lives, God does. This is something we have to constantly remind ourselves---to keep claiming and standing on God's truth especially as we come across complex issues here.

But there are other complexities that such teenagers has to work through beyond the emotional, physical and mental trauma. In Cambodian culture as is the case in many Asian cultures,  family allegiance is so strong and the bond is so tight, that she also has to deal with external pressures. A young woman in this situation faces pressures from her father's relatives who want her to drop the charges and/or change her story and say that it is someone else who raped her. These are not easy decisions for an adult, how much more so for a 14 year old girl who is still a child herself and who is struggling to deal with her own emotional anguish. How does one advise such a young girl?

Seeking justice in the midst of such complexities is not as black and white as we in the West would like to believe. For a young woman in this situation has to work through the implications of her choices and the impact it will have not just on her life in the future, but the life of her family. She is caught between two worlds---facing a family that will ostracize her and further abandon and reject her,  if she chooses to stand for truth and maintain her story, or she can deny the truth to 'protect her father', preserve her family relationships and live with the internal turmoil that comes from such a choice.In Asian culture, where family honor and obligation is of utmost importance, one has to have much wisdom in navigating such complexities.

How can Christ enter into this picture to bring truth, healing and wholeness back to a life that is suffering much pain and living with such tension? It is not easy and Satan uses these cultural strongholds, to keep people in bondage. While each culture has good elements to it, there are many aspects to each of our cultures that need to be redeemed. This is one such example of how cultural norms associated with families can create further enslavement of the soul. But Jesus came to invade cultures and to bring about a new culture---a culture of honor, a culture of freedom and a culture of love that enables a person to live out of their true selves. When a cultural norm seeks to control its people responses through fear instead of love, through pressure instead of through freedom of choice, it cultivates an environment where individuals do not live out of their true selves but out of their 'false selves.' They are forced to conform to cultural obligations and expectations that suppresses the truth.

No wonder Jesus said that 'when we know the truth, the truth will set us free.' Until or unless a girl in this situation  becomes rooted in Christ and not in her family, she faces an uphill battle. For when we know that we are loved by God unconditionally, when we know that it is He who defines us and not our families, nor the cultures we live in, nor the painful experiences in our lives, when we know that He will never leave us nor forsake us, when we know that He is always for us, we have the courage and the hope to move forward despite the opposition.  These are easy words to share with a person who has never experienced such abuse and trauma like these girls have. But, it takes times for these truths to sink into a young girl whose life has been filled with a relentless attack of accusations and experiences that feed her belief that she has no value, she is of no worth and she is garbage.

This is why it is nothing short of a miracle from the Lord to transform such wounded souls. We know it is possible. We are seeing it in the story of Phally and other girls who are at Newsong as the Lord overrides their story with His story. We know that through the power of prayer as we intentionally devote ourselves to interceding on behalf of these young girls, as we ask the Lord to break off and tear down ungodly soul ties in families or cultural strongholds that limits a person's freedom,  the Holy Spirit can and is able to do the work of opening their eyes to see and experience the truth that in Christ---- they have value, they have dignity and they have worth so that a journey of healing and hope can begin.  Transformation is not some kind of wishful thinking, for in Christ, the impossible become the possible. But it involves ongoing commitment and investment in the lives of these young women. It is a journey of faith that God has called us to enter into as we seek to minister to these precious ones. He is asking each of us to walk not by sight but by faith as we believe and hold fast in the promises of God and are fully persuaded that He has power to do what he had promised. (Roman 4:21)